HeatherRose.me

The following is a copy of what I shared at the “Fall ReFresh”, an event for the Victoria Christian Homeschoolers.

This is my eleventh year of homeschooling our children. We’ve homeschooled in three provinces – both in small prairie towns as well as large urban centers. I’ve had the privilege of being members of some amazing support groups. In those groups I have come to appreciate the variety of people – and particularly of the moms. The variety of people could be classified like this:

conservative – “Harry Potter” lovers

classical education – un-schooling

crunchy mamas – dominant parenting

grey hairs – weekly salon trips

enrolled – registered

bread baking, wheat grinding – microwave dinners

Christ-followers – law-demanders

It is fascinating that hidden beneath all the differences, when you really start asking the probing questions, there is a common theme.  And that is: a feeling of inadequacy.

It doesn’t seem to matter if you are a brand new homeschooling mom or one who is a veteran.  We all fight this battle.  It has many symptoms.  Here are a few:

1.  We cover up our feelings of inadequacy with busyness.. Often when we feel like we just aren’t good enough, we seek outside sources to “help” us. Perhaps a class, another play date, a constant slew of visitors to our homes.

We are failing to teach our children the concept of rest. I am including myself in this as well! Perhaps in an over attempt to prove how socialized our kids are, we’ve over stimulated them and exhausted ourselves out in the process. Sometimes our schedules are so full that we don’t appreciated the special classes and services we’ve frantically signed up for because we are so tired from rushing from one activity to the next.

2.  We are legalistic.

We forget about grace. Grace in our marriages, grace in our parenting, grace in our friendships….and so on. For example, when we spend so much time trying to meet the provincial learning outcomes, we overlook the spirit of the education law, which of course, is the love of learning.

3.  We are often afraid to ask for outside help.

A few years into our homeschool journey, I attended a moms support group. We would share ideas, talk about the latest issues in education and we would pray. But I remember being overwhelmed with how difficult our days were at that time. The other moms would talk about their days and I would think “that doesn’t sound at all like my days”. We had so many struggles that often not only were the kids all in tears but so was I! Nobody was enjoying our homeschool experience. What was I doing wrong? As moms we KNOW when we need some outside help. However, there is somewhat of a trend amongst home educators to do it all on our own. This is FEAR – fear of man, fear of failure and fear that maybe we aren’t performing well. After lots of struggling, we decided to seek outside support services and had academic assessments done on all three of our kids. One of the best things we could have done. I realized that they ALL learn differently than I do – so guess what? Hard days indeed…..because all my so called teaching was going in one ear and out the other.

The theme for this years Fall ReFresh is: Reboot, Resource, Refresh.

Reboot – a computer term….you know when things just aren’t working properly on the computer, the best thing to do is to “reboot”. What does that look like for you? A day away? A date? An evaluation of what you are doing (that in your heart you know isn’t working?)

Resource – we need the support of one another. Other moms are often the best resource for us. VCHS is re-establishing the monthly support groups. I encourage all parents to attend these. Here is my special request to the “seasoned” moms in our network…..the younger moms need you! I know it is tempting to fade into the background but this is not the time. Your wisdom and experience are among the best resources out there for us.

And finally,

Refresh – refresh yourself in God’s word. I learned recently that one of our facilitator/teachers while living in Alberta has cancer. He is a Godly man who gave me a loving Christian rebuke years ago. What he said, I often need to remind myself of. And this is is what I will leave you with as my challenge to you.

I called this teacher to ask about a writing curriculum we were thinking about using. However, when he asked how things were going….I ended up in tears. I continued to tell him the struggles we were having in our ministry, the lack of support for homeschooling, the stress of trying to teach my children and the pressure of being a “perfect” pastor’s family…..

His response?

“Heather….you sound like you are carrying a heavy burden.”

In between my sniffles…”yes – I am.”

“well, God’s word says that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. If this is not true for you, you need to change something.”

Powerful words. Hard words. True words.

Matthew 11:28-30

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you REST. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

-Heather

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We had a “rite of passage” ceremony for Bethany is  past month as she moved into womanhood by turning 13.  Joe and I planned a service and we had a wonderful evening of celebration, blessing, encouragement and prayer for her.  Close friends and family joined us to support Bethany and show her love.  As we did with our boys, we chose a passage of scripture to give to Bethany.  

Bethany is full of life – she is confident, outgoing, fun and exuberant.  All amazing qualities that we encourage and love to see.  Evidence of who God created her to be.  It was a bit of a challenge for me to agree with Joe on a verse to present to her.  You see, in my mind I’ve always had a negative view of the verses that talk about women having a “gentle and quiet spirit”.  To be honest, this is because no one would describe me as gentle or quiet!  And I have not valued these qualities in other women – in fact, I have kind of seen them as woman who are afraid to give their opinion and  maybe woman who are dominated by other people.  But as Joe and I discussed Bethany and what we want her to value, this is what we came up with:  

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewellery, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious… [a holy woman who hopes in God].

(1 Peter 3:3-5a).

What I loved was what Joe charged Bethany with:

Know that a “gentle and quiet spirit” is not found in women who are weak or passive. You must strive against a great enemy if you are to become truly “gentle and quiet” in spirit: you must fight the sin in your own heart. Be fierce in this battle, while confidently depending on the victory Jesus has already won for you. Pursue your calling as a warrior-maiden in the Kingdom of God, doing spiritual good for as many as you can, so that not only God but others as well, will see the beauty He is creating within “the hidden person of the heart”. God will do this Bethany, by His grace, as you sanctify Christ as Lord in your heart, and put all your hope in Him.

Women are warriors-maidens.  We are not called to be weak or passive.  We must rise to the defense of the helpless, of orphans, of prisoners, of widows, of the marginalized, of our families and most importantly of our Saviour.  And as we do that, Christ will be evident and we will reflect His glory.

I found a “True Woman of God Manifesto” in my search for Bethany’s rite of passage ceremony.  We tweaked it to fit what we saw are absolutes for a young Christian woman.  This is what I read to Bethany and asked her to commit to:

I declare my desire and intent to be a “true woman” of God. I consecrate myself to fulfill His calling and purpose for my life. By His grace and in humble dependence on His power, I will:

1. Seek to love the Lord our God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength.¹⁹

2. Gladly yield control of my life to Christ as Lord—I will say “Yes, Lord” to the Word and the will of God.²⁰

3. Be a woman of the Word, seeking to grow in my knowledge of Scripture and to live in accord with sound doctrine in every area of my life.²¹

4. Embrace and express my unique design and calling as a woman with humility, gratitude, faith, and joy.²³

5. Seek to glorify God by cultivating such virtues as purity, modesty, submission, meekness, and love.²⁴

6. Seek opportunities to share the gospel of Christ with unbelievers.³¹

7. Reflect God’s heart for those who are poor, infirm, oppressed, widows, orphans, and prisoners, by reaching out to minister to their practical and spiritual needs in the name of Christ.³²

Is this your desire, and solemn promise, to be a true woman of God?

When our boys turned 13, we presented them with swords and engraved plaques with their verses – a call to be men of God.  Bethany received a different kind of sword – the sword of the spirit which is “living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of the spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12).

My challenge to Bethany is also a challenge to myself – to be a women of the word, to embrace who God created me to be, to share the gospel and to reflect His heart.  No more concern over the confusion of “gentle and quiet”……

Bethany committing to being a “True Woman of God”; praying over Bethany

-Heather

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Several things happened this week that made me think about aging:  I had a dream that I was dying, I realized (rather suddenly) that in 3-4 years all my kids will be finished school, Joe turns 40 this year and I do the following year.  And then, perhaps worst of all, I have noticed more and more grey hairs on my head and I am needing to wear my glasses more!!

Of course, my next step in thinking was to ponder what I have accomplished thus far in my life.  Let’s just say, I take “storing up treasures in heaven” seriously.  From a worldly perspective I am not of much value.  I don’t have a savings account (well, honestly I do, but there is no money in it so it doesn’t really count).  Joe has a Masters degree which came with a steep price tag.  RRSP’s….um, we did have those until crisis hit this past year.

Kind of depressing until I refocused my attention.  I am blessed.  I am rich in all the things that matter in life.

I got to spend an amazing afternoon with my loving husband, three terrific teenagers and my dog at the ocean.  It doesn’t get much better than that!  I laughed as my almost 15 year old piggy-backed me across a tide pool so my shoes wouldn’t get soaked.  I smiled while watching my girl run with her dog in the water.  I smirked while listening to my 14 year old make jokes.  And I walked beside my husband.

We ended our afternoon with ice cream treats.  And came home to make a gourmet meal of KD!

So as I moan over my grey hairs and glasses….the process of aging and the assessment of accomplishments,  I think maybe I’ll listen to Joe tell me how much he loves my hair (especially the grey).  I will be thankful for my kids.  And I will be grateful for a Saviour who helps me put all things in perspective.

Remember this old Randy Travis song? ….love the second verse – feel like I am relating now.

-Heather

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I remember so clearly being in Bible College and the debate raging over the role of women, both in church leadership and in marriage.  One young girl, newly engaged, saying that she believed in submission in her marriage relationship.  If her husband told her not to eat cheese, then she wouldn’t eat cheese.  I thought “How ridiculous!”  And really, I still do think that.  Another time, a young buck telling me I would be disobedient the will of God if I was in any leadership in church.  Oh, how I was offended.

If most of us are honest, we would admit that there are portions of the Bible that we wish weren’t there.  For me this has been one such portion.  Paul seems like such a jerk.  And yet, He was inspired by the Holy Spirit.  Bruce Ware has written an insightful book called Father, Son and Holy Spirit: Relationships, Roles and Relevance.  It finally shed some light on the submission issue for me.  He talks about the Trinity relationship and how it is reflected in our earthly roles.  Jesus was in submission to the Father.  And yet we know He was equal to Him.  In fact, it is because of His obedience to God that we have salvation!  What if Jesus did not submit?  What if He wanted to lift up Himself instead?  Rather we see His struggle in the garden of Gethsemane when He says “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.”(Mt. 26:39)  As women, we must focus on Jesus and His example to us.  Submission certainly does not mean weakness.  Submission is not a bad word.  Hard to do at times, but when we transform our minds and hearts and desire to be more like Jesus, He gives us the strength.

I am a strong-willed woman.  I have opinions and I am not afraid to share them.  I am not naturally “quiet in spirit”.  Thankfully I am married to a man who values my opinions, is not intimidated by my rants and raves, loves me, respects me, and encourages me.  However, what if he wasn’t this way?  Would I still be expected to submit to him?  Groan….yes.  My submission is not conditional on his worthiness.  How hard this would become!  God knew I wouldn’t be able to handle that challenge, so He gave me a suitable spouse for my needs.

My advice to young people entering the years of looking for a mate?  To my own boys, I want to encourage them to want thinking women who will challenge them.  Young ladies who love Jesus and want to serve Him above anything else.  For my daughter, I first encourage her to be the lady that God created her to be – creative, fun, outgoing and confident.  When looking at young men, to be most impressed with their love for God and how they respect women.  Choose carefully!   For Bethany, Joe is a wonderful example to follow.  She adores her daddy and I pray that God will direct her to a spouse that is similiar.  For Daniel and Josiah, I pray that when they view my stubborn-streak and hear my opinions, they will see that women have a voice that must be heard and appreciated.  But that they will also see a wife who submits as Christ submitted to the Father.

I sometimes wonder how marriage turned out for the young lady from Bible College.  I hope that she eats lots of cheese!

-Heather

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I am tremendously blessed to have a husband who loves me.  He really does – and he even knows me!  We’ve been married for 15 1/2 years and like any good relationship, we have had our share of ups and downs.

We laugh about it now but very shortly into our marriage (I am talking weeks) we BOTH feared that we had made a terrible mistake.  I got pregnant on our honeymoon and was extremely sick from the first week on.  So much for a romantic newlywed couple.  We were not “happy campers”.

Then we began our many moves – Port Hardy, Ladysmith, Nanaimo, Prince George, Langley, Duncan, Ladysmith (again), Three Hills (apartment, little house, bigger house), Vancouver, High Level, Hague, and now Surrey.

We’ve gone through jobs, education and ministry together.  We’ve suffered disappointments together.  We’ve celebrated great joys together.  He isn’t perfect and neither am I.  But we are in this life together – yes, for better and for worse.  It is US not I.  It is “Joe and Heather” not just Joe or not just Heather.

For those of you who follow our life and/or my blog, you know how hard year 2010 was for us.  But one thing maybe you don’t know is how proud I am of Joe.  He was gracious to those who hurt him and turned their backs on him.  He protected and shielded our kids from the harmful statements of others.  And he stood in front of a hostile board and defended me.  Even as I write, I feel the tears coming.  He is a man of integrity.  He loves God first.  And leads this family with love.

I don’t have much to offer this Valentine’s Day but to let the world know how much I love him and to announce publicly that I am one of the most blessed wives of all time.

I love you Joe.

-Heather

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